Worlds apart

Hello Bloggits

Well Mrs Pimms is back in Blighty while Mr B manages to see Jakarta once again
Busy working though , none of this slacking for him

Aparently there is none for Mrs P and she has ruined her nails , well the ones on her hands at any rate . Well it is spring and the house in the UK needs a little tender care

Aha Jakarta
Where in the world is that , well on the way to the other side of the world for our readers
Lots of good cheap shops , nice beer and warm but humid climate
Oh and Bali is only two hrs away by plane , so maybye the next time a trip to the beach is called for

Driving is a little more civilised than Delhi, not much more
The roads are a lot busier though , takes ages to go anywhere so think yourslelf lucky in India

Namaste from Indonesia

Update on the new old world

Hiya Poojarites

Yep, this weekend we have been mostly doing pooja in an ancient city, older than time and very religious for all of India.

Tourists and meet the troops at the front end of the operation in Benares as they call it , it has several other names and you probably know it as Varanassi

Lots of temples, Gnats prounouced Gats for us goras and

even an ice cream seller who only sold "white people" Ice Cream.

Class advertising for the Indian people

Well who would you rather buy from goras or gaylord , your choice people.

Meanwhile , what else is there to see in Benares

You have to take a boat on the gange , morning and night as it changes we are told

We managed the night trip , 3 -4 hrs up and down with some pooja in the middle bit and a couple of candles to float along with our names on , a nice thought that only the people that do this can have, only some of us in our world do this.

It is all very moving to see the people along the riverside , even felt very humbled to watch the funeral Gnats ceremony, a peaceful ceremony that everyone could share the moment with.

Thanks India

What else

A visit to the fort nearby to have a laugh at the moth eaten display's , such a shame as with so many treasures in the place it could be presented and add a great deal to the experience of India's past , but this is India and money and the standards are a little short of the western world .

One day, who knows?

Watch out for the buckshee rustlers , one sentence and the hand is out to get some $$$'s . Nothing from the gora's on tour as learnt our lessons many times

All in all an excellent weekend to reflect on India and ourselves

Meanwhile back in Delhi , we have those 100,000 visiters again on the balcony so the funeral pyre has to be lit tomorrow night by our maintenance men, well it is survival of the fitest and bees on the balcony are just no match for the maintenance men at night is it?

Aha the last bit of the blog

A little top ten list of some management speak

Could be good ones for Bull$*^% Bingo

1- The latest snippet of Newspeak from our rulers is Transparency.
Along with “lessons learned” (not learned, carry on as usual)

2- “moving forward” (staying exactly where we are, doing what we always do)

3- “Clearly” (not proven, no need to investigate, clear as mud - perfect doublespeak)

4- “the Real Issue here” (ignore everything you hear except what I state to be the truth which is as far from the real issue as we can get)

5-“it has been shown” (it hasn’t. No study has been made nor ever will be)

6-“there is no evidence” (there is but we will never show it to you)

7-“best interests of the people” (best interests of those with vested interests, certainly not the people)

8-“we are listening” (we are monitoring dissent and revenge will be swift and brutal)

9-“Accountability” (none whatsoever, to anyone, ever)

10-“transparency” (complete smokescreen, bury the evidence)

I have to remind myself not to use any of these

Namaste

Your Scotdian bloggers

Ah true scotsmen

hiya blogitrs

A couple of questions I am normally asked when dressed up, or is it down
Now freinds already know what is under the kilt but

WHAT DO YOU WEAR UNDER YOUR KILT?"
How badly do you want to know?
How warm are your hands?
Me mother once told me a real lady wouldn't ask. She was right, God bless 'er.
My Scottish pride.
On a good day, lipstick.
Play your cards right and you can find out.
Tell me madam , would you go jogging without a bra? If so, where do you jog and when?
Sorry, I'm a bit shy and not much good with words. Give me your hand...
Talcum powder

"WHAT'S UNDER YOUR KILT?"
A wee set of pipes.
Bagpipes, wanna give 'em a blow?
It's the smallest airport in the world.....2 hangars and a night fighter.
My shoes and socks.
String -- I had to tie it up so it didn’t hang below the kilt.
What God graced me with.

"WHAT'S WORN UNDER YOUR KILT?"
Nothing is worn, everything is in perfect working order.

"WHY DO THEY CALL IT A KILT?"
'Cause that's what I did to the last guy who called it a skirt!
Here are some suggestions assuming a gentleman is being queried by another gentleman:
Same as you, only much , much bigger.
Your wife's/sister's/mother's lipstick.

Whatever next?
Well, why not
Women in trousers?
The worlds gone mad!
Throughout this blog the word "Skirt" is used as a generic term,
so it includes any garment that only has ONE LEG!(Something that skirts the body)
For instance,Kilts, Lunghi,Sarong,Kikoi,Pareo,Sulu, Galabeya's I am not intending to upset the Celts, but it keeps it simple.
This is NOT about crossdressing
Not that I have anything against a person of either Gender and have met many who were confused on both

This is simply Men who feel comfortable in "Skirts"
Ladies can wear mens Jeans, shirts, Sweaters etc,yet
I have never heard them referred to as crossdressing.funny that, eh?
Do you think that they could be trying to get in touch with their masculine side?
It seems that the constraints placed on "acceptable"male attire are a bit unfair!
I could wear an earring, nipple ring and have rings in other parts of my anatomy that just doesn't bear thinking about!
I can wear all sorts of "Bling"if you reside or come from in essex (Alen), well even if you have a 3 cousin removed on your distant aunts side, brothers third adopted son!
Any of these would be perceived as expressing my individuality, or at worst eccentricity.
Put on a skirt! Well, I do?....Am I wearing a Bra?

Guy's have been seen in Kaftans etc, flared jeans and flowery shirts.Sadly the era of the "male peacock" has gone!
All we have now is the "grey man".
In many parts of the world a loose skirt type garment is normal male attire and the reason is mainly comfort!

There are the Fijians with the Sulu, Indians with the Lunghi,The Egyptians with the Galabeya.

If you think in Anatomical terms, for men to have a centre seam is illogical, why would you want to wear something that is trying to cut you in half?

We go on about healthy eating, preventing all sorts of things like High Cholesterol, testicular cancer etc.

What about healthy clothing?

Now I wouldn't dare to claim that wearing a skirt will prevent testicular cancer, but it's a bloody good excuse!

You find lots of Guys will just wrap a towel around them after a bath or on the beach, kick off their swim stuff and "Dangle"

The feeling of comfort has to be tried to be believed.

Well its a busy week isn't it

3 in one week but them we are away this weekend on a lets see what else india can offer

Varanasi for 4 days and Mr blenders gets to work two of them while Mrs Pimms has a massage, manicure and pedicure followed by full service by the hotel pool, life is very hard , well what would you do first ?

But back onto the subject matter and the three piccies

Yes put the rude one first as knew you could not wait to see just what the true scotsman wears under the kilt, can you see the thong, the wimp?

Namaste

Mr Blenders

Hiya bloggits

Well another post on another day in Delhi

There a few good piccies I missed out last post and though we should share

A very very worried woman jammed inbetween a brother and big sister on the hati in Kerela

, well I have to be nice after all. Just glad he managed to stay calm

But there again all the Delhi visitors have been suitable impressed by Mr Blenders managing to blag the 100rps ride in the middle of Delhi on the wedding hati's.

Well he is a Scotsman after all

Rajistan buskers did not make many $$$$'s from the stingy tourists but it was fun having a go

Was paid 20bucks to shut up

Mr Bhogal's brother, honest thats what he said in Hindi, well I think he did , I think I can see the resemblance, the hair , the smile perhaps or is it ?The Management at one of the parks just contemplating the next task to set Meanwhile

Between friends. What would you rather be without ?

Whisky or a woman?

It all depends on years / vintage !

A dude walks into a bar and says to the bartender : I want a 12 years old scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference.

The bartender is sceptical and decides to try to trick the man with a 5 year old scotch.

The man takes a sip, scowls and says : "Hey - Bartender, this crap is 5 years old scotch. - I told you that I wanted a 12 years old."

The bartender won't give in and tries once more this time with a 8 year scotch.

The man takes a sip, grimaces and says : "Bartender, I do not want 8 years old scotch like this filth. Gi'me a 12-years old scotch or ill leave !"

Impressed, the bartender gives him the 12-year scotch on the house, the man takes a sip and sighs, " Ah, now that's the real thing. "

A disgusting, ugly, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest.

He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says. : "Hey, I think that's really far out what you can do.

Try this one."...The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"

The drunk's eyes light up and he says, "Yeah sure, now how old am I ?"

Yuck

Namaste

Computer say no

He he bloggits

Well where in the world is Mr Blenders and Mrs Pimms and just what sort of adventures have they been up to recently?

Mrs Pimms big Sis , twinny sis , big bro and twinny the drugs shop owner , ok and janet paid a visit

We knew janet would enjoy India as she has many relatives here?

We normally see then walking down the middle of the road on all fours, but also seen in very green pastures , chewing the cud?

9 Days in Kerela for the clan or whatever it is you call a bunch of family

Followed up by a little visit to Jiaphur, Jhodpur minus Big Bro and Moo Moo "Janet" but Mr blenders took thier place

Best moments

1-Park in Jiaphur where a little girl on a swing was overheard by Mr Blender making some remarks and laughing at the "hati's" walking one behind the other. Oops

And there wasn't any elephants in the park!!

And now you know where "hati Jakes" gets her nickname for all those that remeber her

Like the water spout at the temple?

We prefer bottled

2-Arriving in India and enjoying a little bit of scottish country dancing at F603 in Gurgaon with a load of Indian and UK friends , surreal !!!

3-Drinking some foul tasting fermented coconut drink, yuck, yucj , yuck

4- The backwaters on a very BIG boat in kelela

5-Just India

Where next?

Jaiphur is worth the visit , lots more relics but not many gorras around at this time of the year

The Blue City or Sun City as the locals refer to it

Lots of sights along with electrifying beer that they sell all over India

A Little bit of Britain , or as we all laughed at " Little Britain was next

Jhodpur had 4 of us rolling around the floor after checking out and checking back into a hotel after we found out our flight was cancelled

Well you do not want to risk the taxi to Delhi at night , so we had to go back and finish the cocktail menu in the hotel

Fans of Little Britain will love this

Having asked for our old rooms back we were told by the girl behind reception after she puched a few keys, paused and punched a few more that that

"the computer says NO"

yep, we had to ask twice as fell about laughing the first time, and we did get different rooms

Next

Another Raj moment for everyone on the way to a little palace just outside the city

Amer to give it the correct pronunciation

Meanwhile, on our return we find out we have 1 lac of new pets on the "backside" balcony
What's a lac you ask , well click on the picture and start counting

100,000 Bees , bees and more bees, arranged to have the maintenance people around to apply a little heat to them when they were asleep. It worked and some fresh honeycomb on toast for breakfast

Bit of a blackened balcony roof and masses of little black blobs on the lawn 6 floors down though

Lastly or for now we have the backside of the post

Indian liquor manufacturers have accepted the Health India suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing..

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alchol may Mack you tink you kan type reel gode.

and finally

HOW A MAN CAN IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her and go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW A WOMAN CAN IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked or Bring Whisky.

Nanitieeeeeeeese, hick

Mr Blender and Mrs Pimms

Pimp My Rickshaw

Yep , thats correct this week's blog is about the little multi purpose all terain vehicles in use around India , and many other places around the globe

One of these magic machines

But for the ultimate you have to try this one http://www.spike.com/video/pimp-my-rickshaw/2743207

Rickshaw serviRaj Kumar Kaushal's clients may not be able to afford their own chauffeur but his first class rickshaw service offers them the next best thing.

So far the Indore-based driver in India's Madhya Pradesh state has spent more than 400 US dollars on refurbishing his vehicle. His modifications have made his auto-rickshaw one of the most luxurious on India's roads.

==========================================

Tech Spec for the really intrested, (Boring)

The rickshaw is an awe-inspiring mode of transport to be sure. What could possibly be more reliable and comfortable on India’s atrocious pothole-ridden roads?
The Statistics:
Engine:2 stroke, single cylinder, forced air cooled
Engine Size: 145.45cc, the .45cc makes all that difference we are told
Power:7 HP at 5000 rpm , yep noisy
Torque: 12.17 Nm at 3500 rpm
Transmission: 4 forward, 1 reverse
Brakes: Hydraulic expanding shoe
Fuel Capacity: 8 ltr inc. 1.4 reserve
Top speed: 55kmph (I've seen more, especially down hill)
Weight: 277kg

====================================

And what do people do with these in India , well apart from the everyday transport they have a twice a year race over the Indian sub-continent , never the same route though

Anyone mad enough to try then log into http://rickshawrun.theadventurists.com/

All sold out this year though so maybye 2009 ?

The Rickshaw Run is a simple if crazy concept. With very little preparation and even less luggage, 70 teams will race along the atrocious roads of the Indian subcontinent on 145cc rickshaws. In other words, for the summer 2008 you will be haring 2,500 odd miles from Kathmandu (Nepal) down to Pondicherry (just south of Chennai) on a machine similar to a lawnmower.
Although it’s a twice-yearly event, the route changes each time. Sadly, however, road conditions do not improve. And as anyone who paid attention in GCSE Geography will know, summer time is monsoon season in India. This means we’ll be racing on a machine with a spluttering top speed of 40mph (downhill with the wind behind ) in sticky torrential rain. What a splendid idea.
The aim is to finish within two weeks, although it may well take two years. There is no support nor backup vehicles and no guarantee people will make it. But it will be an adventure and one which people are hoping will raise lots of cash for two very worthy charities.

Only in India folks

Namaste