Hello

Hello readers , or "is there anybody out there "

Pink Floyd the Wall , thanks for that

Well still Paradise Island lingers on although Mr B is busy, busy at work and enjoying every minute . Well its all been done before so no reason to get stressed and even had time for the Andy W picture

We have had a Jack Fruit delivered by the young lad who is an ex gardener , apparently never did much gardening hence ex gardener. \Now have a policeman when he finishes his day job.

Now we have never seen a fruit soo big , they are massive , oh boy these are the big ones , so large amd gigantic are these fruit , a fruit of enormous proportions that we thought we had many meals to feast on

Oh and Mr B was very confused as to what the thing was ?

Left it on the table outside and two days later decided to get the very BIG knife out and see what we have .

I think thats why the internet was invented to let you find out what to do but unfortunately this time he didn't look anything up . Mistake , yep

Jackfruit have very , very sticky sap inside and the knife soon got covered in goo, along with Mr B's fingers as he wiped the knife as it was chopped in two . Gifted it to the landlady, why we ask now we have seen what we could have had ?

The smell is disgusting and put both of us off trying it so maybye next time as now know what it is thanks to the internet

A cross between banana and pineapple it says , yum yum

Now where is the ex gardener as he has a mission

Meanwhile

Ex pat 4 Oclock club is building up to its next event , well when abroad you just need to visit the stuff you can never afford , dreams are ok though?

Last one was a little confusing as pints of seybrew go down at the same rate as bottles, oops hickup , slurred words and all the rest that happens when inebriated . Next time will have to go a little slower . Moving venue for the next one to go more local

Even suggesting we invite an ex pat family each

Should be fun and gets the ex pats mixing much , cheap place for here and may even have arranged a happy hour if my contacts are true to thier word

Not quite the same as the Caledoinian Society in Delhi but who knows when you make the effort

Bonsoir

Hi Readers its been a while

Hello readers , at last a new post !!


The Girls attired for the Beach , well on the Beach actually and what a nice view the boys had , more of that later

Well there is so much beach to do that we have just been to laid out to bother !!
So what have we been up to you may ask ?


Toddy, beach, toddy, boats, toddy and more beach and toddy!


Have had all the instruction from the landlady on what to do with the coconut trees in the garden , just not yet managed to climb up to tap into the fresh leaf,so end up down some remote road to pick up a bottle and try someone's brew .
Nearly brought a stray doggie back last time and that's just smelling the brew!


Very nice,the brew that is, a cross between wine and cider and when its fresh not too strong we are told
Has to be cold , as the coconuts the gardener brings are too warm to drink and the heat makes Mrs Pimms too moist so she needs a cold drink or two

Island life is pretty laid back in the airline world , at the moment . Usual stuff thats been seen before so Mr Blenders enjoys his mentoring of the team.
There is a view to die for from the office so he keeps pinching himself to make sure its not a dream

Meanwhile
A few little things have been noticed on the Island that raise a smile

• The Ladies dry their knickers on the bush , yep honest on the bush and Mr Blenders is too scared to take the piccie as might be fingered as a perv.
• Only two signs have been noticed pointing out an incline in the road , either side of the bridge on the 3km dual carriageway. Now Mr Blenders did have to leave his car at the bottom of a hill one night and get a lift home as it started raining and the car could not get up the hill. He did get it next day but still the tyres threw white smoke everywhere as they spin getting up the hill , a long run was apparently needed
• Moistness is all over the body , always moist , shopping, sitting, cooking, eating and we are talking about being totaly moist from the top to your bottom and your front bottom if you are Mrs Pimms , oops
• The easiest way to catch a fish Mr Blenders has found is off the fence on the drive home , does cost 150srps ( about 6UKP) but its cheaper than the 1000 for the share on hiring a boat for 4 hrs and you do get a very very large red snapper to put on the BBQ for that
• It rains , well it is the tropics and the Island is green
• You cannot buy a sailing baot under 30ft or 50k Euros , boo. Mr Belnders keeps trying

That will do as tasters of what is to come in the next posts

Even more Meanwhile what about the piccies you ask?

Well we are very lucky to have a landlady who has a boyfriend( Micky) with a nice Boat and we went all around the Island with Mr DC and K who just happened to be our virgin visiters

Was funny to have the picnic at Beau Vallon bay , Fresh baked bread in the machine, cheese and ham from the UK and homemade starfruit chutney ( Mr Blenders recipe ) , Seychelles curry and salad from the landlady and we just seemed to swap foods, curry was yummy and everyone was so polite , never too much .

Zebra fish to finish off our leftovers

Good people we landed with here

All around the Island started in the lorry at 11am , we did do the titanic down the road and enjoyed the smiling faces as they saw the "gorras" in the back of the truck

After a brief robinson Crusioe hour when we were left on the beach on Cerf, weed in one of the engines , off we went again.

Got back after a few stops, lunch and beach swims at 7pm , oh and some toddy , well Seybrew , wine , G&T and whatever.

A fantasic day with fantastic people

There will be more but to moist to continue

Bye for now

Wello again

Yep we are back in cyberland

Welcome readers

Now what to talk about?
Work, get lost, no way , never , a rude word , NOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The weather
Yep

Well you know Mr Blender was into growing things in old blighty and he has found his dream in the Seychelles
Plant a chilli seed on sunday , cover with a clear yughurt pot and hew presto by tuesday we have a little bud formed , pure magic this sunshine
Oh we also have lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, beans, courgettes and when more seeds arrive from the next vist home some other stuff?

Well why not as the veg is getting expensive here £8 for a coli we paid , ouch
The fish is cheap though and still not managed to get on the fishing trip to catch any

Hows the rest of life you may ask
Bugs bite like mad at night , Mrs Pimms legs are like a join the dots page , well she keeps scratching so they never heal , Mr Blenders is very tanned all over , well apart from the whaite bits

Life has a new easy feeling about it when you get rid of the frustrations , and as always when abroad a brit has them , but chill and they go away

Whats the temp in the uk - 12 I have seen
Whats the temp here , well if you keep your cool , +25 to 30
If not you sweat alot

Namaste

Hi Readers

Well hello from the Seychelles in the Indian Ocean

Been a while but hopefully will get back to the nce per week for anyone that is still reading

So what have we been up to and what hav we seen to chuckle here in the seychelles

Like the roadsigns , but more of them on another post as they deserve a picture

The general store(s), got to meet Mr General as he seems to have a global chain and wonder if he knows yet
Makes intresting browsing , now have you got any AA batteries please , nope will single A do?
Have joined a little import cash and carry off the island, well over a little bridge so we have become importers of all sorts of things for our personal use
Steak, potatoes, french cheese , all the stuff that you just cant get

The beach and Mr Blenders calls the sea his aquarium , why you may ask ?
Well when you visit all you need is a few slices of any bread and off you go to get wet in the warm sea.
Loads and loads of fish come swiming to take the crumbs out your hands , at least they are little fish, as having seen some of the ones being sold at the side of the road you would not want to feed them.

What about Mrs Pimms you ask
Well , daily routine is nearly there and a little bit different from India
Not many manicures, pedicures and very little ex-pay life ---YET

Tea in bed around 06:10- well Mr Blenders gets up to do that excercise thing at that time
Get up around 7:30 for breakfast - thats very early
Back to bed to read and eat breakfast - thats the same
Up at 10ish to spend an hour beating Mr Blenders scores on the Wii Fit
Surf a little between 11-12:00 to speak on msn or skpye to family and friends
Shower- 13:00
Read on the bed with the aircon on - 13:20 till 13:22
Get up - dont know when
Siesta - god knows how long
Sunshine worship on the terrace for a little while

A tough life for an ex-pat wife all this stress and strain

Thats all folks , for now , see you next week for the exciting adventures of Mrs Pimms and Mr Blender , oh and some piccies to make you smile

Namaste from the Indians here

Allo Allo

Allo Allo from a rainy france

Yep it doea rain a little here but not as bad as blighty
Looks like similar stuff to India though as its not running away form the lawn yet
Nice big puddle outside

Well date set for the next job and we fly out in less than two weeks time, its raining there too but a little warmer

Meanwhile have a few managers tips
Managers tip number 1
A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Managers tip number 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”“Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk.
“I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world” Poof! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.
“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Managers tip number 3
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Managers tip number 4
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshìt might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Bonjour

Bonjour from the vendee

Yep been back calling ourselves trailer trash for a few weeks

Well the weather wasn't much good in the UK and the wine is much cheaper over here and the views are always much better, bon

Mrs Pimms is getting into training for the next travel blog over in the Seychelles

Mr Blender will be glad to get back to work

Meanwhile what else is happening around the place

Well the trailer trash park is winding down for the winter now and the bar only has a few bits of entertainment before we go

Quiz, came 4th as forgot

1- Who guards the vatican?

2- 5th planet from the sun?

3- Who sung Joe le taxi?

4- and several others

Tonight its screaching karoke , so mr blender will rest

Saturday its BBQ in the afternoon , we are all doomed to be wrecked by 6pm , oops

This and the Moules and frites , they are never the same outside of france , why is this?

More meanwhiles and the subject of oxymorons , fantastic wordsmiths with the letter A

1-Agree to Disagree

2-Airline Food

3-Almost Done

4-Alone Together

5-Amicable Divorce

6-Anarchy Rules!

7-Anxious Patient

8-Approximately Equa

9-Artificial Intelligence

10-Awfully

was told by an guy in India, Great Britain !

rgds

Mr and Mrs Blenders

Hello from the uk

Well hello readers

Another long time between posts but catching up having worked hard with the pressie Mrs Pimms bought for for Mr Blenders

Been back in blighty using up Mr Blenders 90 day allowance to do some work on the house, oh and have a little interview thingy for the next adventure around the globe in this place , looks ok to Mrs Pimms

Back to the decorating first though and its getting the house all spruced up for daughter and husband to live a comfy life

Waiting for the builders quote is the usual story though. I am sure you are all aware

Phone up to arrange a visit to quote us happy for a couple of new power showers , heated chrome towel rails to replace the radiators , kitchen worktops in marble and the messy job of lifting all the stone tiles , leveling the floor and laying vinyl

Well still waiting but have been very busy with one skip , two bedrooms, three bathrooms and the living room/dining room, hall and stairs with lots of elbow grease to sand it all down, a lick of gloss and boring magnolia everywhere , well helps when we sell in years to come.

Had to move the large and very comfy sofas into the kitchen and join them all together

Mr blenders said it looked like an orgy sofa , mmm, and in the kitchen !!

Only have till the weekend then its back to France for about a week if we get offered the job

It does mean Mr Blenders won't get to play with his new boys toy for a while , so it can just sit in the garage for a change in UK weather

Bye --------------------------------eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Bonjour

well hello all

Been a long long time since the last post

well , finished with India thing and now settled in with france

Yep , always wanted a place over there but have to settle with the palace mobile home untill we decide if we like it or not

Even had to but a new car and drive it ourselves !!!!!

A French one of course , very sporty

Where in france are we?

Well wine, sunshine , oh and a little bit of rain now and again , wine is sold by the bucketfull, sea food to die for and a little castle in the village

We even went and bought the Wii fit to have a little fun

A nice place to sit out whilst Mr Blenders looks for the next adventure

Aha the french , well we have been in touch with them before and they are a little different , life takes on a little bit of a different pace and its good to see

Well short but sweet as have to put some suncream on the red bits !!

Bye

Helloo

Well bike riders , oops readers

Been a while as the continued little power cuts fried the last ADSL modem we had and with all that travelling just didnt have time to sort it out

New one now though and its back to a normal surfers life

Well whats new in the far east

Work and play and more visits to the cruel gym man

Have had a busy few weeks travleing around , all for work this time though whilst Mrs Pimms travels around the UK doing the visits and spending the hard earned cash

Did manage to get to the Bullet shop yesterday and was told would be better to wait till next month for the new Thunderbird ,mmmm wonder how side saddle is for Mrs Pimms or perhaps I will get a chance to cruise out along the NH8 to the country on the odd Sunday on my ownsome

Lots of planning to see where to go

The new one has two spark plugs and not the thump thump as the old one

Well if you are going to by a classic then get a modern one

Meanwhile , Delhi heat is still here , 37,8,9 ties and a little bit of wet stuff thrown in today

Drys up in an hour which is more than can said about Mr Blenders after the gym , hard work this keep fit stuff

Fitness First is now due to open on the 21st of the month , wathed the other day as they craned all the fitness equipment up the the 5th floor , just below the 6th floor where the first Beer Garden in India is due to open. Now thats handy to replace all the liquids that we both work off?

Wondering if its Ompa bands , serving wenches and whole chicken ala Germany

Perhaps its Bollywood, waiters and pure veggies with it being India

Not yet found out the opening date for that , but we may have to go along just to try it out once or twice

namaste

Worlds apart

Hello Bloggits

Well Mrs Pimms is back in Blighty while Mr B manages to see Jakarta once again
Busy working though , none of this slacking for him

Aparently there is none for Mrs P and she has ruined her nails , well the ones on her hands at any rate . Well it is spring and the house in the UK needs a little tender care

Aha Jakarta
Where in the world is that , well on the way to the other side of the world for our readers
Lots of good cheap shops , nice beer and warm but humid climate
Oh and Bali is only two hrs away by plane , so maybye the next time a trip to the beach is called for

Driving is a little more civilised than Delhi, not much more
The roads are a lot busier though , takes ages to go anywhere so think yourslelf lucky in India

Namaste from Indonesia

Update on the new old world

Hiya Poojarites

Yep, this weekend we have been mostly doing pooja in an ancient city, older than time and very religious for all of India.

Tourists and meet the troops at the front end of the operation in Benares as they call it , it has several other names and you probably know it as Varanassi

Lots of temples, Gnats prounouced Gats for us goras and

even an ice cream seller who only sold "white people" Ice Cream.

Class advertising for the Indian people

Well who would you rather buy from goras or gaylord , your choice people.

Meanwhile , what else is there to see in Benares

You have to take a boat on the gange , morning and night as it changes we are told

We managed the night trip , 3 -4 hrs up and down with some pooja in the middle bit and a couple of candles to float along with our names on , a nice thought that only the people that do this can have, only some of us in our world do this.

It is all very moving to see the people along the riverside , even felt very humbled to watch the funeral Gnats ceremony, a peaceful ceremony that everyone could share the moment with.

Thanks India

What else

A visit to the fort nearby to have a laugh at the moth eaten display's , such a shame as with so many treasures in the place it could be presented and add a great deal to the experience of India's past , but this is India and money and the standards are a little short of the western world .

One day, who knows?

Watch out for the buckshee rustlers , one sentence and the hand is out to get some $$$'s . Nothing from the gora's on tour as learnt our lessons many times

All in all an excellent weekend to reflect on India and ourselves

Meanwhile back in Delhi , we have those 100,000 visiters again on the balcony so the funeral pyre has to be lit tomorrow night by our maintenance men, well it is survival of the fitest and bees on the balcony are just no match for the maintenance men at night is it?

Aha the last bit of the blog

A little top ten list of some management speak

Could be good ones for Bull$*^% Bingo

1- The latest snippet of Newspeak from our rulers is Transparency.
Along with “lessons learned” (not learned, carry on as usual)

2- “moving forward” (staying exactly where we are, doing what we always do)

3- “Clearly” (not proven, no need to investigate, clear as mud - perfect doublespeak)

4- “the Real Issue here” (ignore everything you hear except what I state to be the truth which is as far from the real issue as we can get)

5-“it has been shown” (it hasn’t. No study has been made nor ever will be)

6-“there is no evidence” (there is but we will never show it to you)

7-“best interests of the people” (best interests of those with vested interests, certainly not the people)

8-“we are listening” (we are monitoring dissent and revenge will be swift and brutal)

9-“Accountability” (none whatsoever, to anyone, ever)

10-“transparency” (complete smokescreen, bury the evidence)

I have to remind myself not to use any of these

Namaste

Your Scotdian bloggers

Ah true scotsmen

hiya blogitrs

A couple of questions I am normally asked when dressed up, or is it down
Now freinds already know what is under the kilt but

WHAT DO YOU WEAR UNDER YOUR KILT?"
How badly do you want to know?
How warm are your hands?
Me mother once told me a real lady wouldn't ask. She was right, God bless 'er.
My Scottish pride.
On a good day, lipstick.
Play your cards right and you can find out.
Tell me madam , would you go jogging without a bra? If so, where do you jog and when?
Sorry, I'm a bit shy and not much good with words. Give me your hand...
Talcum powder

"WHAT'S UNDER YOUR KILT?"
A wee set of pipes.
Bagpipes, wanna give 'em a blow?
It's the smallest airport in the world.....2 hangars and a night fighter.
My shoes and socks.
String -- I had to tie it up so it didn’t hang below the kilt.
What God graced me with.

"WHAT'S WORN UNDER YOUR KILT?"
Nothing is worn, everything is in perfect working order.

"WHY DO THEY CALL IT A KILT?"
'Cause that's what I did to the last guy who called it a skirt!
Here are some suggestions assuming a gentleman is being queried by another gentleman:
Same as you, only much , much bigger.
Your wife's/sister's/mother's lipstick.

Whatever next?
Well, why not
Women in trousers?
The worlds gone mad!
Throughout this blog the word "Skirt" is used as a generic term,
so it includes any garment that only has ONE LEG!(Something that skirts the body)
For instance,Kilts, Lunghi,Sarong,Kikoi,Pareo,Sulu, Galabeya's I am not intending to upset the Celts, but it keeps it simple.
This is NOT about crossdressing
Not that I have anything against a person of either Gender and have met many who were confused on both

This is simply Men who feel comfortable in "Skirts"
Ladies can wear mens Jeans, shirts, Sweaters etc,yet
I have never heard them referred to as crossdressing.funny that, eh?
Do you think that they could be trying to get in touch with their masculine side?
It seems that the constraints placed on "acceptable"male attire are a bit unfair!
I could wear an earring, nipple ring and have rings in other parts of my anatomy that just doesn't bear thinking about!
I can wear all sorts of "Bling"if you reside or come from in essex (Alen), well even if you have a 3 cousin removed on your distant aunts side, brothers third adopted son!
Any of these would be perceived as expressing my individuality, or at worst eccentricity.
Put on a skirt! Well, I do?....Am I wearing a Bra?

Guy's have been seen in Kaftans etc, flared jeans and flowery shirts.Sadly the era of the "male peacock" has gone!
All we have now is the "grey man".
In many parts of the world a loose skirt type garment is normal male attire and the reason is mainly comfort!

There are the Fijians with the Sulu, Indians with the Lunghi,The Egyptians with the Galabeya.

If you think in Anatomical terms, for men to have a centre seam is illogical, why would you want to wear something that is trying to cut you in half?

We go on about healthy eating, preventing all sorts of things like High Cholesterol, testicular cancer etc.

What about healthy clothing?

Now I wouldn't dare to claim that wearing a skirt will prevent testicular cancer, but it's a bloody good excuse!

You find lots of Guys will just wrap a towel around them after a bath or on the beach, kick off their swim stuff and "Dangle"

The feeling of comfort has to be tried to be believed.

Well its a busy week isn't it

3 in one week but them we are away this weekend on a lets see what else india can offer

Varanasi for 4 days and Mr blenders gets to work two of them while Mrs Pimms has a massage, manicure and pedicure followed by full service by the hotel pool, life is very hard , well what would you do first ?

But back onto the subject matter and the three piccies

Yes put the rude one first as knew you could not wait to see just what the true scotsman wears under the kilt, can you see the thong, the wimp?

Namaste

Mr Blenders

Hiya bloggits

Well another post on another day in Delhi

There a few good piccies I missed out last post and though we should share

A very very worried woman jammed inbetween a brother and big sister on the hati in Kerela

, well I have to be nice after all. Just glad he managed to stay calm

But there again all the Delhi visitors have been suitable impressed by Mr Blenders managing to blag the 100rps ride in the middle of Delhi on the wedding hati's.

Well he is a Scotsman after all

Rajistan buskers did not make many $$$$'s from the stingy tourists but it was fun having a go

Was paid 20bucks to shut up

Mr Bhogal's brother, honest thats what he said in Hindi, well I think he did , I think I can see the resemblance, the hair , the smile perhaps or is it ?The Management at one of the parks just contemplating the next task to set Meanwhile

Between friends. What would you rather be without ?

Whisky or a woman?

It all depends on years / vintage !

A dude walks into a bar and says to the bartender : I want a 12 years old scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference.

The bartender is sceptical and decides to try to trick the man with a 5 year old scotch.

The man takes a sip, scowls and says : "Hey - Bartender, this crap is 5 years old scotch. - I told you that I wanted a 12 years old."

The bartender won't give in and tries once more this time with a 8 year scotch.

The man takes a sip, grimaces and says : "Bartender, I do not want 8 years old scotch like this filth. Gi'me a 12-years old scotch or ill leave !"

Impressed, the bartender gives him the 12-year scotch on the house, the man takes a sip and sighs, " Ah, now that's the real thing. "

A disgusting, ugly, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest.

He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says. : "Hey, I think that's really far out what you can do.

Try this one."...The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"

The drunk's eyes light up and he says, "Yeah sure, now how old am I ?"

Yuck

Namaste

Computer say no

He he bloggits

Well where in the world is Mr Blenders and Mrs Pimms and just what sort of adventures have they been up to recently?

Mrs Pimms big Sis , twinny sis , big bro and twinny the drugs shop owner , ok and janet paid a visit

We knew janet would enjoy India as she has many relatives here?

We normally see then walking down the middle of the road on all fours, but also seen in very green pastures , chewing the cud?

9 Days in Kerela for the clan or whatever it is you call a bunch of family

Followed up by a little visit to Jiaphur, Jhodpur minus Big Bro and Moo Moo "Janet" but Mr blenders took thier place

Best moments

1-Park in Jiaphur where a little girl on a swing was overheard by Mr Blender making some remarks and laughing at the "hati's" walking one behind the other. Oops

And there wasn't any elephants in the park!!

And now you know where "hati Jakes" gets her nickname for all those that remeber her

Like the water spout at the temple?

We prefer bottled

2-Arriving in India and enjoying a little bit of scottish country dancing at F603 in Gurgaon with a load of Indian and UK friends , surreal !!!

3-Drinking some foul tasting fermented coconut drink, yuck, yucj , yuck

4- The backwaters on a very BIG boat in kelela

5-Just India

Where next?

Jaiphur is worth the visit , lots more relics but not many gorras around at this time of the year

The Blue City or Sun City as the locals refer to it

Lots of sights along with electrifying beer that they sell all over India

A Little bit of Britain , or as we all laughed at " Little Britain was next

Jhodpur had 4 of us rolling around the floor after checking out and checking back into a hotel after we found out our flight was cancelled

Well you do not want to risk the taxi to Delhi at night , so we had to go back and finish the cocktail menu in the hotel

Fans of Little Britain will love this

Having asked for our old rooms back we were told by the girl behind reception after she puched a few keys, paused and punched a few more that that

"the computer says NO"

yep, we had to ask twice as fell about laughing the first time, and we did get different rooms

Next

Another Raj moment for everyone on the way to a little palace just outside the city

Amer to give it the correct pronunciation

Meanwhile, on our return we find out we have 1 lac of new pets on the "backside" balcony
What's a lac you ask , well click on the picture and start counting

100,000 Bees , bees and more bees, arranged to have the maintenance people around to apply a little heat to them when they were asleep. It worked and some fresh honeycomb on toast for breakfast

Bit of a blackened balcony roof and masses of little black blobs on the lawn 6 floors down though

Lastly or for now we have the backside of the post

Indian liquor manufacturers have accepted the Health India suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing..

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alchol may Mack you tink you kan type reel gode.

and finally

HOW A MAN CAN IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her and go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW A WOMAN CAN IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked or Bring Whisky.

Nanitieeeeeeeese, hick

Mr Blender and Mrs Pimms

Pimp My Rickshaw

Yep , thats correct this week's blog is about the little multi purpose all terain vehicles in use around India , and many other places around the globe

One of these magic machines

But for the ultimate you have to try this one http://www.spike.com/video/pimp-my-rickshaw/2743207

Rickshaw serviRaj Kumar Kaushal's clients may not be able to afford their own chauffeur but his first class rickshaw service offers them the next best thing.

So far the Indore-based driver in India's Madhya Pradesh state has spent more than 400 US dollars on refurbishing his vehicle. His modifications have made his auto-rickshaw one of the most luxurious on India's roads.

==========================================

Tech Spec for the really intrested, (Boring)

The rickshaw is an awe-inspiring mode of transport to be sure. What could possibly be more reliable and comfortable on India’s atrocious pothole-ridden roads?
The Statistics:
Engine:2 stroke, single cylinder, forced air cooled
Engine Size: 145.45cc, the .45cc makes all that difference we are told
Power:7 HP at 5000 rpm , yep noisy
Torque: 12.17 Nm at 3500 rpm
Transmission: 4 forward, 1 reverse
Brakes: Hydraulic expanding shoe
Fuel Capacity: 8 ltr inc. 1.4 reserve
Top speed: 55kmph (I've seen more, especially down hill)
Weight: 277kg

====================================

And what do people do with these in India , well apart from the everyday transport they have a twice a year race over the Indian sub-continent , never the same route though

Anyone mad enough to try then log into http://rickshawrun.theadventurists.com/

All sold out this year though so maybye 2009 ?

The Rickshaw Run is a simple if crazy concept. With very little preparation and even less luggage, 70 teams will race along the atrocious roads of the Indian subcontinent on 145cc rickshaws. In other words, for the summer 2008 you will be haring 2,500 odd miles from Kathmandu (Nepal) down to Pondicherry (just south of Chennai) on a machine similar to a lawnmower.
Although it’s a twice-yearly event, the route changes each time. Sadly, however, road conditions do not improve. And as anyone who paid attention in GCSE Geography will know, summer time is monsoon season in India. This means we’ll be racing on a machine with a spluttering top speed of 40mph (downhill with the wind behind ) in sticky torrential rain. What a splendid idea.
The aim is to finish within two weeks, although it may well take two years. There is no support nor backup vehicles and no guarantee people will make it. But it will be an adventure and one which people are hoping will raise lots of cash for two very worthy charities.

Only in India folks

Namaste

16 things I have learnt in life

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN from GOM


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "."


3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."


4.People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.


5. You should not confuse your career with your life.


6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.


7. Never lick a steak knife.


8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.


9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.


10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.


11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.


12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.


13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person.



14. Your friends love you anyway.


15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


16. I will let you add yours in a comment

Namaste

Sunday papers

Hiya Romanticgers

Well this one is about a section in the sunday papers
A whole insert is dedicated to it and raises a little smile for the attempts to get a partner

Online Marriage Ads - Enjoy
Who knows one of these might be your one!!!!

( Honest person but getting desperate )
Hello To Viewvers My Name is Shobin , I am single i dont have Famale, Ifany one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a goodeducation but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome tomy heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send uletter.. Thanks yours Regards Shobin

( Cleaner , cook and washer wanted )
I want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state heis also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

( A family guy)
She should be good looking and should have a service. She Shoulsd have onebrother and one sister. She should be educated.

(Fancies himself)
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I loveto make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I amlooking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i lovemyself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........ holdmy hand forever !!!

(Problem solver)
I am simple boy.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow iamlooking onegirlshe caremeandloveme lot lot lot

( Mmm, no jeans outside )
I want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house butwhile steping out of house she should give recpect to our cast

( Lough so much he forgot no 3 )
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GUY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(Not got a clue what this one is all about )
Whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someonebride and she must think of the future life if she is toolike this shewould bde called the lady of the lamp

( Ok, )
I love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

( Complity rules ko)
I iam pradip my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mothersister complity marred

(desperately seeking someone , pleeeeaaaasssseeee)
My name is farhan and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaespleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(Gi for it girls)
I want one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she haveafrank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink themain think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. butiam not a handsome person or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam agood person. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE ISYOUR. bye bye.

( Seeking nins)
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.

( Contraditions)
Hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.idivorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good mindedand clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted...

( Two minds about that one)
My colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service

( Ok have you got that )
To be married on jan-2005. working woman perferable

(Help!!!)
Ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which notpaying salary at present.

A bit more humour to finish
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Billy.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Billy says, "I have a question for you. "
"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Billy replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on, ' but I like your thinking."

Namaste

Visitations and Holi

Hello colourful blogeaders



Well Mrs Pimms Big sis , twinnie sis and brother inlaw , the one into drugs ( chemist or something like that ) pay another visit to India



First stop for the lady's had to be the nail spa for the compulsory manicure, pedicure , head, feet arms, legs and back massage , phew thats a mouthfull!!






Well Mr Pimms and the chemist went elesewhere as our nails are ok


Where?


Well inside Delhi there was another old relic to visit


This time we go way back in time to 1321 , when Ghiyas-ud-din Tughlaq built his little city , well this is one of the 7 cities that make up Delhi
6.5 km walls and a citadel with a passage to another fort in the distance , even has a tomb over the road




Only took 4 years and its a pretty impressive place to visit ,no tourists , only us local Indians and a ratio of 3 guides to two of us on the tour is pretty good going


Who was this guy?



Well look it up , I had too !!! Do I have to do everything here!!! He he






Mr Blender did manage to find the "Holy Grail" at the fort by following the shining beam of light
The guides told us it was the prisons , but we thought it was more like the granaries as all interconnected with holes in the roof for ventilation

As for the grail?

It now sits in the drawing room at F603 hotel , an amazing find

The other poeple were not at the fort but just on the way from/to school and I thought you might like the piccie

What's next , well meanwhile its Holi this weekend and in true lets get in the party mood Mr Blenders joins , no, starts the activity and ends up worse off for it, well perhaps the Dhobi Fairy can work his magic on the shirt and the jeans

Who is the dhobi fairy?

Well remember when you were little and mum and dad tricked you with the tooth fairy and a sixpence( 1 pound if you are under 26 -Liz and Ian)

Here in India it happens to Mr Blenders clothes, pants and all

Finish work and strip off ( mmm I heard you say, well some of you?) . Throw your clothes in the washing bin and heh presto , the next day you find them hanging up in the wardrobe , washed and neatly pressed?

Might be the same fairy as the one who does my shoes

Mr Blenders doesn't know how the Dhobi happens when Mrs Pimms is away, but it does.

Might have something to do with getting up at 06:30 to let the housekeeper in but who knows ?

More on meanwhile and another day out

Our visitors felt the heat , well old blighty is suffering from a usual wet and windy spring , so we hear

Having seen Humayans tomb in the past we paid a visit to Purana Qila, all the way to 1538.

Humayan plunged to his death in the library in this Delhi city or as the papers say today " the deceased was brought in dead"

We were told he was struck first with a candlestick by Mrs White but can't confirm this as the other guy said it was Miss Scarlet but he then he did claim to be Anthony E. Pratt, a solicitor's clerk and part-time clown from Birmingham?

Now there's a thing a Pratt invented Cluedo, well well

Well Namaste for now and happy Holi

Now where's my clean shirt ?

Well it is sunday

Hi Bloddieeeee hot bloggites

Yep Delhi is now in summer time weather , well when its 28 at night it has to be

Sorry the old Uk but you have to put up with it , or move !!!!

Well whats on this week ?

To start I have to say strange goings on in goa ?

Seems like a big issue out here at the moment

Well I think who would leave a 15 year old behind, asking for trouble knowing the hormones of this age

Sorry for what happened but hew parents take a grip and look after your offsping for life , yep , life

Well you did bring them into this world and they hopefully will see you out of it, but sadly in this event not so very true

Thats the best thing about being a mum and a dad , seeing then grow up and take thier own responsibility when they are ready?

Yep a question mark as to when they are ready, a tough call for any parent

Now 15 is not ready in our book

17 is ok but still you have to make the call

I have not read the Uk press but its a sin to leave them before they `can manage to stand on their own two feet , nomatter who you leave your kids with

Well thats it with that and what have we been doing this week?

Went shopping today to the local M&S mall , our corner shop

A fantastic Indian came up and said hello Neil , how are you today

Oh and Mary , looking forward to the spinning classes ?

Well , does this happen in the UK I ask ?

We joined fitness first , this was one of the trainers

Its opening on the 14 of April we are told

Just a short walk to our local shopping mall and 4 floors up

"my god" as tristian whould say

But here agian these people will push us with spinning and latin dancing to keep us in shape , no put us more in shape

What else have we seen this week

Well Indians do not like to que so the challenge is always on to let them know we are in front of you

Now shopkeepers are normarly pretty good at dealing with this but when they dont we have to but in, it gets intant result and large smiles all around when we do

Manners are a little bit differnent here in India but having a white face helps to difuse many an event ?

What about the humour you ask, wel Kam did get the jokes this week on his own e-mail, ask him

Well whre are you jokes , little bit more comments to see if you do?

Well I need you to provide that for us, any style would be nice

Reason being as we would love you input

Any jokes , any links just feel free

Otherwise it will stay as a samll family blog and I want it to sell India for all our friends and I know you want more!

Ps: Piccie is the back of Ambience , though it needs to rain to keep it green

Well Namste everyone

phew !!

Hi Bikers

Gurgaon is still here and this week I be mostly talking about Bicycles

Yep the two wheeled human powered version but in in India they have many uses apart form getting from A to B

43.2% of the polulation own a bicyle here in India and they use them in many ways

I have a theory here for the large bicyle that we see on the street

Well the bicycle saddle to ground level are all designed to be just a little more then the average indian, so his feet can't touch the ground

Why is this we ask?

Picture the scene

The egg shop delivery

All that is required is a bycycle with a rack at the back , someone who's your average height indian , one hero bicycle and 12 trays , yes trays of eggs

Load eggs one tray on top of the other , 12 trays seem the recomended load , but this may be cost driven , or some sort of risk analysis that determined the totals

Next climb onboard the bike and place your feet on the pedals

Then the shop /farm/ distributer pushes the whole lot into the Gurgaon traffic

Now there is no stopping till you reach the final destination where someone can help you get off the bike and save all the eggs

No wonder its crazy at the roads with all these people cycling with commodities on the bike.

Namaste bikers