Short Indian History essay but not as it should be

Hello Blogzz

Have been looking up a little history and just had to share this with you surfers

Indian History

Supposedly written by a schoolboy with all original spellings and found on the interweb thingy

Top of the class for effort

The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Daro.
These cities had the best drain system in the world and so there was no brain drain from them

Ancient India was full of myths which have been handed down from son to father.
A myth is a female moth.
A collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female caricatures.
One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because they were our incestors.

In olden times there were two big families in India.
One was called the Pandava and the other was called the Karova.
They fought amongst themselves in a battle called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as MeraBharat Mahan.

In midevil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty.
So named because they all died a nasty death.

Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi because of its pollution.
They were followed by the Mowglis.
The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana.
But his son Jehangir was peace loving; he married one Hindu wife and kept 300 porcupines.
Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons.
Family planning had not been invented at that time.
He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there.
The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started quarrelling.
Dara Seiko was sent to UP, Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J & K, while Orangezip came to Bombay to fight Shivaji.
However,after that they changed its name to Mumbai because Shivaji's sena did not like it.
They also do not like New Delhi, so they are calling it Door Darshan.

After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising India with a 100 foot clipper.
Then came the British.
They brought with them many inventions such as cricket, tramtarts and steamed railways.
They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry.
But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered since the British had the queen on their side.

Eventually, the British came to overrule India because there was too much diversity in our unity. The British overruled India for a long period.They were great expotents and impotents. They started expoting salt from India and impoting cloth. This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt. This was called the Swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their lion cloths in the street and refused to wear anything else. The British became very angry at this and stopped the production of Indian testiles.

In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after he became the father of the nation. In 1942 he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the British were quietly lootoing our country. In 1947, India became free and its people became freely loving. This increased our population. Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police.
Our constipation is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged twice for the same crime.
It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not paid your taxis.
Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be changed.
This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not written on paper.
The Indian parlemint consists of two houses which are called lower and higher.
This is because one Mr Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself cannot withstand.
So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were afraid of the dark.
At midnight, on August 15, there was a tryst in parlemint in which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the flag.
Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque,it can be dangerous because many people died of this plaque in Surat.
Scams are all over India.
One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their elected leader.
The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland.
In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot.

Presently India has a coalishun government made up of many parties, left,right and centre.
It has started to library the economy.
This means that there is now no need for a licence as the economy will be driven by itself.

India is also trying to become an Asian tiger because its own tigers are being poached.
Another important event this year was the Shark meeting at Malas Dive.
At this place, shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population.

Hiya blogits

Well Ram Ram to you all out there
Help is only a phonecall away, just dial 0099 123456789 to speak to the modern guru if you need guidance in how to enjoy life.

Holiday visitors season is upon us once again
Busy time of the year I guess with all the visitors

First an older than Mr Blender by 1 day , oh and one year last Friday night
Just one night in Hotel F603 as off to see the culture around Rajistan, cant wait for the piccies of the places and the stories of a different life that has been seen , smelt and tasted
Met up with another of Mr Blenders Friends and we all went out for the really hot and spicy curry
Captain Jordan and his good lady , a sixsome?
Good to see all the old humour is still alive when we all get together

Lance could not believe the driving out here and Mr B didn't even get to show him how its done
You really have to see it to believe it and after a while you get so used to it as the norm
Just be ready for the bliss of the UK roads

They both went off with a taxi driver, at night to a Hindi wedding!!!!
Now that is not recommended , not the wedding as they are fantastic, but the night trip to somewhere that you are told is only an Indian Hour away.
IST they call it out here, otherwise known as Indian Strech Time
You soon get used to it , but does get frustrating at times

3 Hours later and the drivers stops to pull the whisky out , oh dear they do like thier whisky
Never mind they really enjoyed themselves and Lance practices his bollywood moves with all the friendly young men . Well now thats a little strange?
Flying club gigs but dancing with men??
Something has gone definately gone wrong here, perhaps Kam you can help with a good picture as still have photoshop to play around with?

In conversation I mentioned that our current driver keeps himself busy when he's not driving Maam & Sir by cleaning the car including polishing the engine, well nothing like having a polished engine is there Kam.

Just e-mail and I "will do the needful" on the pictures

Meanwhile another committee meeting for the "scots abroad shindig"
Lots of Big prizes to raffle off so will be a very good night next weekend at the ST Andrews Night
Mr B gets to carry the whisky in behind the chief for the night, fluent Hindi expected by the end of the evening again.


Namaste

top 10 again

1. One thing you don’t expect when you go on holiday is to be harassed by a monkey.

One British traveller in Gibraltar, however, was so besieged by the attentions of an over-friendly primate that he asked his insurer to refund the cost of his trip.

The insurer refused but did pay out for his camera, which the monkey had run off with one evening.

We have visited Gib and the rock apes are something to be watched

2. Monkeys also blighted the romantic getaway of a couple in Malaysia, who foolishly left the window to their chalet open during the day.

They returned to find their underwear, clothing and belongings strewn across the resort and neighbouring rainforest.

Luckily for the clothes-less couple, their insurer paid the claim.

Where's the photo proof please !!!!!

3. One unlucky pensioner managed to lose his false teeth after throwing up over the side of a cruise ship on the choppy seas of the Bay of Biscay.

Thankfully for the squeamish septuagenarian, his misplaced dentures were covered in his travel insurance policy under lost baggage, so his claim was paid.

Yuck , should of used a glue

4. Another unfortunate pensioner had to make an even more embarrassing travel claim after a stroll on the deck of a cruise ship went disastrously wrong.

The poor gentlemen was chatting with friends when a strong gust of wind lifted his toupee off his head and blew it into the sea.

He never got over the shame but at least his travel policy reimbursed the cost of his hairpiece.

Remind Mr B of a story about a manager in a hotel who leaned out of a top floor window to shout something out, the wind caught hold and I guess we could not find where it went , bit like never upset the chef that one

5. It is all too easy to lose your sunglasses, or even your passport, on holiday. Less easy, you might think, to misplace 34 large bags of Bombay mix.

Yet one holidaymaker claimed he had lost £300-worth of the spicy snack while in Europe.

At roughly 89p for a 250g bag, the misplaced mix would have weighed a hefty 84 kilograms. Needless to say, his insurance company turned him down.

But was he an Indian ?

6. One family camping in a remote field in Wales had their peace disturbed when a parachutist from a nearby airbase missed his target and scored a direct hit, landing on their tent and destroying their camping equipment.
Sadly, the family weren’t covered for accidental damage so their insurer didn’t reimburse them.
Take the guy to the cleaners and make him pay

7. Police in a holiday resort in France were on the lookout for a wrinkle-free burglar after a woman who had her cosmetics bag stolen from her hotel room admitted that she had transferred medical-strength haemorrhoid cream into an empty tub of moisturiser earlier in the holiday.
Her claim for make-up, lotions and perfume was paid.
He he
Aha done similar before.
Chocolate seems to come to mind , well laxative type wrapped up in a galaxy wrapper , poor guy but he never took it again!!!

8. A man walking along the street in Greece became so transfixed by two bikini-clad girls that he walked straight into a glass-panelled bus shelter and broke his nose.

He successfully claimed on his travel insurance for his hospital bills.

Lucky and an ok guy says Mr B

9. A chilled-out traveller in Sri Lanka needed £400 worth of hospital treatment after a large, ripe coconut fell from a tree and landed squarely on her head while she was peacefully reading below.

She was knocked out cold, which is hardly surprising.

Fresh coconuts weigh roughly 2 kilograms, and the trees grow up to 30 metres tall.

The coconut would have been falling at 53 miles per hour when it hit the poor woman on the skull.

Her insurer covered her medical expenses.

Lesson numero one , never sit under the coconut tree as they might get a little bit of newtons laws to come down upon you

10. A British backpacker was chased down the street by an angry bull in Kerala, Southern India. It wasn’t clear from his claim whether he provoked the animal, but he did require £2,800 worth of hospital treatment after the attack, which was reimbursed by his travel insurer.

Thanks to the times for these little snippets of what you can and cannot claim for

I wonder how the easy claims are doing , just speak to me if its hot drinks

Mr Blenders and Mrs Pimms

Greetings readers

Well hi hyders

Another week another adventure in India

Been to Hydrabad to visit my fellow spicejetters and the new Airport.
Mrs P came too , just to sit by the pool and enjoy the heat down south

Had a cultural day on the saturday visiting some more old relics
Mr B managed to reduce his challan payment by another 140rps by going all Indian again to get in despite the guards stange reaction then they just laugh when he explains he's from the north
Visited the museum and lots of stuff to see , pre BC atrifacts next to 18th century
Worth a visit for 10rps for an Indian

He also made some comment that it would be cheaper to take an Indian out as would have saved another 140rps, typical scotsman !! Now what Indian should that be
Well 10rps for an Indian and 150rps for a non indian ( resident counts as Indian)
The cost of entrance to all foreigners has just been reduced out here, and the Taj has stopped taking $$$'s , well they are not worth much now, but you still have to be an Indian to get the best price. Well only till the challans been recovered

Mrs P made up on the Margerita's and a two hour foot massage & waxing in the hotel
Now what waxing was that ?

Forgotten all the names , so you will have to guess

Onto the relics staring on the veiw of one of four gates to Charminar and the place itself , many , many steps we went round and up to get a view of the low rise 400 year old city Why only 400 years old you may ask , well back in 1590 Shah, Muhammad Quili had to move his residence 11kms away as an acute water shortage occured in Golconda
It takes its name from his Wife & Queen, Hyder mahal
97 years later and it was in the hands of the Mughals so Viceroys eventually ruled the city

Golconda Fort was linked by a tunnel to Charminar , long since gone .
Piccies to follow as some connection issue tonight

Of course we had to sample the food , no fish this time though.
Never again eat fish when we can't see the sea as it means a week of pills and toast!

Did you know a typical Hyderabadi feast would have no less than 26 different varieties of Biryani a dish which has the reputation of being an aphrodisiac. Bring it on and loads of it please

Mrs Pimms & Mr Blenders only tried chicken biryani this time and was an excellent choice from the a helpful waiter.
Or perhaps it was the Margareta's. We don't know?

Dancing has started again , ready for the 1st of Dec cultural night out with all the scotdians
Another St Andrews comes around and a few of the fellow workers are coming along to see the culture, taste the Haggi, get thrown around during strip the willow all washed down with some imported real stuff
A night of Men in Kilts and this time will try to get the waiters on camera. he he

Well Namaste readers
Till I get the piccies back online

Ello Ello

Hi glogerites

Culture to start with and a little door handle from the red fort for you all , now if "i want one of those" sold these ?

Well another week and the fireworks have all but finished

Now who said Indian's don't follow the rules out there?

Well I can tell you that on Diwali night last week they followed every one of them.

Well one of them , not every

After all rules are meant to be broken some time after all

Bang, fizz, whoop, clack , splut went the fireworks for around 4 hrs , a constant stream outside Ambience appartments till 11:30pm then , silence.

You could hear a pin drop at 100 paces

The street outside was littered with the reminants of all the fun of the night

We all descended into a smoggy day for Saturday . I wonder why?

Time of the year, or all the smoke makers the night before.

Was good to see everyone joining into the spirit of things though

Meanwhile , Mrs Pimms has been for her weekly fix after a break in the UK

Manicure and Pedicure to smarten up a little bit more. Shop , shop and a little more shop.

Went to market on saturday to see the cheap shops, all genuine cheap as chips goodies

Designer labels that everyone says is origynal , well thats what the sign said so we have to beleive it

Could even buy some Payjamas to wear at night over your underpants

Meanwhile again

Anyone know how to play that old chinese game of Mah Jong

Lots of exposing or concealing here with your Pung, Pong and Chow and its always good to have a nice pair , sounds interesting for a spectator sport in the commonwealth games

Mrs P has joined a group that actually keeps quiet when playing . Now that must be a hard game to play !!

Mr B got a new delivery this weekend , a shiny new Aircraft joined the fleet , lots of stress as everyone had a minor panic to make sure it happened on time and thanks to all the efforts of everyone it did

Now its taking all the Goa holidaymakers up and down to Delhi.

Winter has arrived in Delhi. goes down to at least 24 degrees at night and perhaps should of bought those Payjamas after all to wear in bed.

Must be getting soft with all the natural heating we have here

Namaste

Mr & Mrs B & P

India broadens the mind and opens the bowels

Hi Delhi Bellyites

Yep , did you know the about half of the foreign visitors to the sub-continent fall victim to to debilititing diarrhoea after being poisoned by food or water

Its normally one of these little things , well many of them

Well after a year in Delhi it was Mr Blenders turn.

Last week he visited Mumbia ( Bombay as its airport code is still BOM) for an Indian aviation conference, now that was tuesday/wednesday .

A fantasic 5* hotel on the beach ( not that he went swimming) . Tuesday nights meal was a salad followed by Indian veggies , wednesday lunch more Indian veggies.

Met the team at the Airport on wednesday night and had samosas and a nice cucumber sauce

Friday night was party night with the company Diwali get together , punjabi dancing , bollywood babes, lots of smart people in traditional costume, a few glasses of wine and some blenders.

But did have one piece of fish and a veggie thing. Mistake no one as delhi is a long , long way away form the sea

The result , feel terrible on Saturday and missed the gym, well I had to do all the housework, get the shopping and fall asleep lots , even in bed early for a change.

Sunday , oho, whats all that belly grumblings and why do I keep visiting the throne

Time for the magic pill , me thinks , too late though as now I dowt know which end is more important , bucket at hand for the throne visit all sunday night.

Monday after not much sleep on the throne , another pill and a very rare day off work , sleeping and reduced visits to the little room.

Drinking lots and lots of H2O with a tinge of orange to keep me fluid

Now whats the message , well its one of lifes risks here in Delhi and stay away from fish

As a plus , I must be a lot lighter than I was last week , just have to make sure its not the 4 and a half pack thats wasting away but the remainder of fatty bits left to trim up

Well all for now as off to the little room

Mr Blenders